I learn a lot from the people who I serve. A theme that I have been noticing this week is that many of us harshly criticize ourselves and others. Many of us think we “are” flawed,” or “bad.” Self-talk criticizing who we “are” is harmful whereas focusing on what we “do” is healthy. For example, if someone disappoints a friend by forgetting their birthday, he might say, “I am such a lousy friend.” The result is feeling shame and depressed. Healthy self-talk focuses on what we do instead of who we are. For example, saying, “I feel sad that I forgot my friends birthday.”
Many of us make critical self-statements focused on who we are instead of what we do. Learning to practice focusing on behavior instead of on individuals helps us feel more positive. After all, we can do something about our behavior, but not much can be done about “who we are.” Be kinder and more gracious with ourselves and others. Remember, criticizing who we “are” is harmful. Let’s strive to keep our self-talk focused on what we and others “do” instead of who we “are.”