People sometimes ask me, “How can you listen to suffering people all day long?” “Don’t you feel drained and overwhelmed every day?” I smile and usually answer by saying something like, “It’s true, I listen to individuals who are suffering greatly; many with three or more serious diagnoses.” However, I am often inspired by how resilient we can be. Also, I find it a matter of survival in my chosen profession to have and hold good boundaries. I have a sober understanding of what I am in control of, what I am responsible for. I also know what I cannot control and what I am not responsible for. Namely, we are in control of most things inside our skin and nothing outside. That is, as long as we are not being abusive.
We are also responsible for ourselves: for our self-care and minors in our custody. As adults, while obeying the law, we can choose anything we prefer. We cannot choose the consequences that follow. For example, I can choose to ride my Indian on icy roads, but I cannot choose whether I will harm myself or others.
Similarly, I can accurately understand another person by communicating what I understand to them. I can even make suggestions, if they ask me for some. However, I am unable to control what another person does with that information. Realizing this frees and empowers us to care for ourselves, to practice being compassionate, kind and forgiving to ourselves. Only by caring for ourselves in these ways can we be generous, compassionate and kind to others.